She seeks a relationship where a commitment is demonstrated. As the recipient of the man’s intention (claiming) the woman shines in knowing that she belongs with “her man”. When each of us can honor each others masculine and feminine needs and desires the relationship has the potential to soar.
That said, when we claim one another by demonstrating love through commitment there becomes a bond.
But what happens if Claiming turns into controlling? When we no longer value our man as the masculine and we begin to try to turn him into one of the girls from the book club; it’s not going to work. Nor will it work for our man to treat us like one of the boys in the locker-room.
We are born to be different.
A woman who emasculates a man is no different than a man who disregards the heart of a woman.
In each case someone is robbed of the compassion for their differences that they deserve.
Example; a man comes home, makes himself a sandwich to take care of a biological need hunger; he believes that is good. Now enters the woman in his life, who stops to observe him sitting while eating the sandwich. She knows there is laundry to do and dinner to start - she becomes infuriated by his selfishness and accuses (emasculating him) him of being self-centered towards his thoughts towards others; she may say that these concerns are not a priority for him. In part she is accurate, as he is not wired to tend to the whole. Therefore her reaction is a projection of how she lives life; putting the needs of others in front of her own. She may even forgo the biological need to use the restroom to complete what she views “needs to get done”.
The truth is he is wired for self-care first. The chastising of her man who is born to be single focused is like chastising a woman for crying during a love story. The natural wiring of a man is singular in focus. Conversely, women are wired to be for all and view the big picture from a multifaceted platform.
If her man suggests she “thinks too much” or should not be ”concerned with others” (heart aptitude); is counter to the way in which she is wired.
A man who is condescending is no different than the emasculating gesture; over time and it erodes. Truth told men are one dimensional. Women are unilateral. We are specifically biologically wired different and these differences create a whole.
Acts of love differ as well. If a man remains independent he robs his woman of the devotion/nurturing, which is a way the feminine expresses love.
When a man makes certain there is gas left in the tank, he is showing care through the male expression of love via protection.
When we understand and value the masculine and feminine in each other we can operate in sync and create a likeness. However, even after the honeymoon wears off, we can easily begin looking at this person with a complaint forming as to their differences. Why aren’t they just more like “us”?
Instead of celebrating the differences, the differences can become complaints. We have to work at remaining mindful of the differences.
Remember, this is not your football buddy and he is not your girlfriend. Celebrate the strengths of the differences each of you bring to the table and grow to rely on them. Operate as a part of a team with greater assets to draw upon; use them because they are a skill set you don’t have. Stop trying to conform or control your partner!
Relationships become limited when we react to our partner with disapproval; walls are erected to protect. When the behaviors of our mates are controlled, contained or viewed with disdain an environment develops where there is a failure to thrive. Just as we nurture our offspring we have an obligation (the care of our lovers heart) to nurture our partnership. For some, a feeble attempt to gain symmetry (likeness) is the motivation for correction; we believe the more our partners become “like us” they will be easier for us to get along with. WRONG.
Basically, we come together as two halves of a whole. So if you’re lucky enough to find that other half why would we begin to chip away at the differences?
Growth is never easy alone or in relationship. In relationship as in life we are different, yet it is the beauty of that union that has created each and every one of us. Honor your woman and demonstrate respect for your man. This will create a healthy relationship because of the wealth inherent in your differences.